The Group Chat Goes Live... Slightly Salty Edition

Adult-ish Kids, Real Talk

Leanna DeBellevue Season 1 Episode 7

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Chaos can be a teacher when you let it. We crack open the “adult-ish” years—those 20-something seasons where independence sounds good, the rent is brutal, and a family phone plan becomes a microcosm of boundaries, budgets, and love with limits. If you’ve ever asked where support ends and enabling begins, you’re in the right group chat.

We swap honest stories about our own ramen-and-roommate origins, first places that weren’t dreamy (hello, mobile homes), and why today’s housing market pushes young adults to delay big moves. From starter condos to shared leases, we make the case for small steps that build equity, skills, and confidence. Money sits at the center: car insurance at 18, tags and maintenance next, then modest rent at home as training for the real world. When a line gets crossed—missed payments, quiet freeloading—we add friction and consequences without torching trust.

The conversation gets real on gender and modern expectations too. We’re raising men who can provide and nurture, and women who can lead and receive support without apology. In blended families, those philosophies collide; we talk through disagreements, the power of letting dad set the bar, and the payoff when we step back so a son can step up into fatherhood. With schools cutting life-skill classes, we’re teaching late: cooking basics, budgeting, understanding APR, dodging credit traps, and even how to coupon without shame. Our approach is a “safe bubble”—trial runs and soft landings paired with clear deadlines so mistakes stay small while lessons stick.

What keeps us grounded is who our kids are in the world: kind, respectful, hardworking. Our job is matching that character with capability. Independence isn’t a cliff; it’s a staircase, and we’re committed to adding one riser at a time. Listen for practical tactics, permission to set boundaries, and a lot of candor about the parts we’re still figuring out. Then jump into our DMs and share your best boundary, your worst money lesson, or the tiny habit that finally moved your kid forward. Follow, subscribe, and leave a quick review—what’s the one bill you think every 18-year-old should own first?

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Welcome And Show Vibe

Voice Over

Welcome to the Group Chat Goes Live Slightly Salty Edition, where your three favorite troublemakers turn the chaos of the group text into a full-blown weekly show. We're talking real life, real opinions, and just enough sass to keep things interesting. No filters, no perfection. Just three women with big personalities, bold stories, and a habit of saying the quiet parts out loud. So grab your drink, brace yourself, and join us. Because the group chat didn't just spill the tea, it went live.

Defining Adult-ish Kids

Adrianne

All right, we are back for another episode. And today I want to talk about our kids, our adult-ish kids is what I want to call them. Because we're all kind of in that phase of life right now where our kids are in their 20s and they 20-ish. And they are, I just want to say semi-adults. Like they are doing adult things, but a lot of them need our help. Yes. And where's the line in that? Because I'm struggling on that part.

Kerri Ann

Well, if anybody listened to past podcasts, I'm not the one to start this off.

Leanna

Because boundaries are not my forte. My thing is that when I turned 18, like I was just grown. So my mom was like, okay, bye. It's been real. I went off to college and like the expectation was that I was an adult. Like there wasn't really a lot of, like, I didn't really go to her for questions or advice. Sure didn't ask for money. Like there were some ramen days. I figured out real quick that they don't play when they send you one of those disconnect notices. You might want to take that seriously. If it comes in a pink envelope, open it fast. Right.

Adrianne

But that's that's gone, right? I feel like that it is gone. I and to a to an extent. Like when I was 18, I was ready to be out on my own. Yeah. And so I we had two, three roommates, lived off ramen, you know, partied all weekend, showed up to work with the stamp on the hand, hung over, you know, we did that. And I feel like our kids' generation is does not have that same kind of grit that they want to go and do

Generational Grit And Expectations

Adrianne

that.

Kerri Ann

Okay, so here, I'm gonna be, I'm gonna be I did not leave home when I was 18. And I didn't, I didn't understand what ramen was until my college roommates showed me about it. Not that I had this, it just I had I had different parents growing up that way, I guess. I don't know. So wait, how old were you when you didn't go off to college or anything? So I did.

Leanna

Okay.

Kerri Ann

Yes, I did. But my parents showed up every week with like ribs and toilet paper and and I like I, you know. I think that when we were growing up, because I remember doing a lot of stuff after high school that when I look now, like I think God was watching over all of us. Oh yeah. The crap that we did. But it was a different world then. I'm not saying that it was I don't know what it just was different then. It just was different. Like the phones weren't everywhere, you had to actually call people and make you know, r not reservations to make dates with them or whatever, you know, like it just was different than it is now.

Cost Of Independence And Housing Reality

Adrianne

So my struggle though, raising men. Yes, Terry and I go back and forth on this because I feel like in this economy and it's hard to live on your own. And yes, that's true, it's expensive, you know, to live here. But you know, I wanted I didn't care it, it could have been the same rent right now. I would have had five roommates because I wanted to be on my own. And at what point, you know, and Terry and I go back and forth is you have to raise men, they have to be able to go out, you have to make it a little hard on them.

Kerri Ann

I absolutely agree with that. But I just know like at six, like 15 and almost 16 years old, I would told my parents, do not forget we are going tomorrow, and I'm getting my driver's license. Like we were standing in line before school, getting my driver's license, see ya on my car on the way to school. Like, my youngest, like it he turned 18. I'm like, you have to drive. Yeah, yeah. You're going away to school. His it isn't that he didn't want to, he was nervous about it because there's so many people on the road, and like just it's a it was different. So there's different things that I think cause our kids to be more cautious, maybe. I don't know. Am I offering a bunch of excuses? I know I'm an Irish, Italian helicopter mom. I get it. I I'm gonna admit it a million percent. I'm gonna admit it. But I just feel like things are different. Like our daughter was in a pr great profession, got wanted to get a house, got approved for over $300,000, and she couldn't find anything. Nothing. Yeah, nothing.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah.

Kerri Ann

And that's sad. You know, go to college, graduate, work your butt off, be in a profession, and you still can't afford to own a home.

Adrianne

But you know, here's what I want to say on on that, because I was actually talking to a client of mine, too, that has millions in the bank, you know, they're now, you know, retired and all of this. And he was talking about him and his wife and their first home. And he's like, our first house was a mobile home.

Kerri Ann

Yeah.

Adrianne

And I think back like Terry and I's first house was a mobile home in a trailer park in Mesa. Yeah. Because we didn't want to pay rent. If I tell my kids, hey, I think you should start in a trailer park, they're gonna they're looking at me like, I'm not, why would I leave this amazing basement home to do that? But you know, we wanted our independence, yeah. And then we bought a house, you know, then that we rented that out and then we bought a house. And so on some of it is our our kids' expectations, like Terry and I our I think our first real house we paid $100,000 and thought, how are we gonna pay for this? Yeah. So, you know, $300. So, you know, maybe they have to do a condo first. You don't get to have the house. But our kids' generation, they're not willing to settle. And honestly, I feel like like in the real estate world, that's why the average age to buy a house now is 40. Like they're waiting, so but then they're losing so much down, you know, all the equity and stuff down the road they can. Well, and I know their mindset is different

Drive, Entitlement, And Parenting Styles

Adrianne

too.

Leanna

Well, I think their level of expectation, like honestly, so both of my children are out of the house. We're blended. So Jeff's three younger ones live in South Carolina with their mom. But we have very different children. My children, same thing. The day they turn 16, here's my license, let's go. We're independent. It was hard for them to move out, but they do have this level of expectation that they're gonna just be 21 and have everything. No, like we worked hard for this, right? So there is that level of of expectation. And then Jeff's the three younger ones, we call them the littles, even though they're 22 to 16, they're not little anymore. We call them the littles. They have zero desire to get a license to move out of their house. Like, what happened to that drive? I think with my son, if we'd let him, he would always still live at home. But Jeff, kind of the same thing as Terry. Like, he's like, he's gotta be a man. You taught him how to be an adult, you raised him correctly, trust him to fly, right? And he has figured it out. Has it always been easy? No. You know, there's been a million ups and downs, and even now he'll call me. He knows to if he needs something, he just says that Lily needs something. That's our granddaughter, and I'm gonna say yes to Lily all the time, right? But what happened? What what took that drive away from us? Where did that drive go that we had that this next generation doesn't seem to have?

Adrianne

And there's a question is it drive or is it, you know, when we grew up, you know, latch key, kids, all of that. Like my parents didn't have the money for things we wanted to do. Like if you wanted a certain type of clothing, my mom was like, I'm not buying that. You want it, you know, I was babysitting by the time I was 11. Because I'm like, nope, I want those Doc Martins or whatever. I'm gonna go get it. And I feel like have we made it too easy on our kids because we thought, you know, it was hard for us, and oh, we're not, but are we at what point do we have to start slowly cutting the cord? Yeah, because we're cutting the cord a lot later in life. But especially raising men, yeah. How do we make sure that we don't hinder them? That I mean, honestly, my kids probably barely know how to cook, and most of it is because we had takeout or it was you know, pre-made delivered. They never had to go to the grocery store because it's delivered. You know, all these things that that they didn't or I didn't take them with me because I don't want to deal with that. Yeah. You know, so at what point are we having to now you know, like when they're in their early 20s, are we teaching them what we probably should have taught them? Like we learned how to cook when we were, you know.

Leanna

And what disservice are we doing if we don't teach them? Like if we keep holding on, and I'm not gonna lie, my son, I don't know, what is he, six three, six four? Like, he's a dad now. In my head, he's still like 10, right? Like I just want to cuddle him and he's you know,

Teaching Basics Without Enabling

Leanna

and all of the things. But Jeff was pretty adamant, like he needs to be a man, like let him step into it. And Jeff was like, you know, what disservice he's not gonna know how to provide. He's not gonna have that hunger to go out and provide for his family, right? Like he's and to watch him, it was really hard to take like my hands off, but I did. And to watch him become a great dad, he's not just a good dad, he's a great dad and a great provider, and he has an amazing work ethic. All of the things that you hope for, I think would not have been there if Jeff didn't kind of hold my feet to the fire with let him learn.

Kerri Ann

Well, and each is different because you know, like I know we talk, I mean, I have boys and I have girls, and I yeah, we you know, we all have that. So at the end of the day, like when we're talking about raising boys to be men, we have to have a very similar com conversation about raising girls to be women. Yes, and what does that mean now? Because even though I mean, I my husband bucks this with me just because he wants he sees it differently than I do. I grew up in a household where my mom and dad were very strong, independent people together, and my mom, a very strong woman figure, and didn't work until we were older, and then was in a very powerful, great position career-wise. You you know, when I look at the two of them together, and I there had to be concessions for my mom would lean into okay, daddy's the head of our family, even though my mom was the base that kept it all going. But leaned into that. I lean into that, like I will default to Brian. Yes, even though I am, I feel like I'm a strong woman, I own my own businesses, like I'm moving forward in all these ways, but I also come from a very traditional thought process of he is always gonna act in our best interest. So I will lean into that. Girl, like men and women, young men and women now are not in that same position. Maybe they grew up that way, but we have to teach our young men how to be men, but also with women that are being taught to be independent, don't ever need a man, you want a man, do your thing, girl power, all this other stuff. So there's a whole bunch of dynamic there that's really different. Yeah. And I think it changes the lay of the land for us as parents, helping them grow into the adults they're gonna be. Yeah. That takes a little more time, I think. And I'm not offering excuses, because believe me, like I mean, I grew up and my parents had us working, even though I we had a very, very fortunate life. We, I mean, we had our stuff just like everybody else did. But they grew us up where you want extra stuff above and beyond the what we're you get it. You want to go to the limited and buy, you know, a skirt

Gender Roles And Modern Independence

Kerri Ann

for $80, you do it. I remember my mom told me I wanted this leather jacket from the limited more than anything. It was $400 when I was 16 years old, which was nuts. That's crazy. My mom's like, no way. And I still have it to this day, and I'm 56 because I worked and I bought it on my own. Was it a a good purchase? No, it was not. But it was just I wanted it, I worked, and I got it. So, I mean, it's just different now.

Leanna

So, do you think it's our responsibility as parents to say no, outside of the basics? You're over 18, you're over 20, whatever. I'm paying for if you're living in our home, that's fine. We're not gonna charge you rent, whatever, right? But anything extra is yours, 100%.

Adrianne

Yes, you know, yeah. And I feel like to me, I do it in baby steps of their age. So, like when they turned 18, I'm I made them get their own car insurance. Like you're no longer on our policy. It's your first bill. Yeah, this is very important, you know. However, you pay for your car, your tags, yeah. Everything about the car is now you. Yeah. And then I feel like, you know, then slowly, okay, we've got that under our belt. You're getting your career under your belt. Okay, next. You know, we haven't charged rent, but I feel like if you live at our house probably past 22, then rent will start. Low rent, but just getting used to that next bill so that when they go out. Because I feel like that part, I had no idea about bills until they all started showing up. And then it was like, wow. And you know, like my youngest, he's more of a thinker. Like he'll plot, he'll work out the numbers. He's like, it doesn't make sense to move out. And I'm like, well, it doesn't make sense. And and I'm kind of a mix, like he could stay home however long he wanted. He's chill, yeah, low-key, you know, I'll miss him when he leaves, when he's not there, it's I you know, we're missing something. So it's not like I'm in a hurry. Yeah. But then I think, you know, when he gets into a serious relationship, you know, that that girl's not gonna like me when she's like, he can't cook. I mean, they've done their laundry since they were four, so they I got that down. But they can't, you know, he doesn't cook, we have a house cleaner, you know, like there's these things where okay, there are some basics that he doesn't do and really never has done. And so I want to make sure. But but won't they figure it out? Yeah, I mean, I think though I just want to make sure I'm not I'm gonna tie it to what you just said about your kind of hierarchy in your marriage. I was raised by women's lib, burned her bra. You don't need a man. So I feel like in marriage, you know, Terry and I have been together almost 30 years. I had a really hard time with that because I was raised mentally that you take care of yourself no matter what. And with Terry, you know, he's an alpha marine, you know, type of personality, religious-wise, as, you know, I think it took me a long time. And now I do see when he says stuff about the boy, I always stuck up for the boys, obviously. I, you know, they're mama boys, but I have seen where I've had to step back and be like, you need to go talk to your dad. Absolutely. But it's learning those, like where my role is that I am a mom and I can hinder them if I don't allow, you know, the male figures to get the biggest.

Kerri Ann

You know what's really weird is I was, and and believe me, we're right in the thick of it, all of us. You know, we're we're in that age. That's why I call them adult age. Absolutely, because you know, like our very oldest is on her own with our granddaughter, and the our second oldest it works with me, and she's the one that was the special education teacher, and that just was just over it. Just yeah, teachers need a lot more support than they get, but I got gifted her, and she is doing amazing and on her own, and she's just a very strong, independent woman that's on her own, and you know, that's

Boundaries, Bills, And Consequences

Kerri Ann

amazing. And then Caden just graduated from college and did an internship, and literally he could only work a certain number of hours with school and all these other things, and now that you know, school's over, now life is moving forward and all those things, and the younger one is gonna graduate. So we're all in the thick of trying to figure this out, but yes, this is common stuff in my house with Brian and I to talk about all of our adult children and the things that they're going through and trying to help and guide them. And it's interesting the difference that we have of a feeling set and a and a and an assistance when it comes to girls and boys. And and I heard somebody talking about, you know, that raising men and raising men could also mean, you know, the softer parts of life. Absolutely. There's just so much that I think that our kids need. And, you know, like as far as paying and doing all that, like we've had the conversation about how many people stay on our phone plan. Well, you get somebody off the phone plan and they have to pay three times as much when they can stay on our phone plan and then they pay us. But then we're like, well, it's hard to ask them. Well, then that's our fault.

Leanna

Yeah. But you know, I mean, honestly, and we are all very fortunate. We're extremely blessed with our finances, with our relationships, with all of the things, right? But how many parents right now are struggling. Agree. And then it is, it's, you know, when you've got your 22-year-old at home and they're maybe working part-time or not doing what they could, or you know what I mean, or you are being you have to have those awkward conversations. Can I get my $40 for whatever that is? Like at what point, like you said, we figured it out. Like the my mom didn't really have a conversation with me about like, well, this is like she just turned 18, she was like, I'm the worst person for this conversation.

Kerri Ann

Honestly, I know how I am. You know what I will tell you though, the proud thing that I have is that I think, you know, outside of our world, whenever anyone meets our children, adult children, they always come back and say they're kind, they're smart, they're respectful, they're, you know, they navigate life outside of us really well. And I'm proud of that. But when you dial into all the little bits and parts and pieces, then yes, there's a lot of things that need help, you know, and guidance and all those other things. And so I just tend to lean into they're great people. They're gonna figure it out. We're here to help them. We're not gonna enable them. But yes, I at what point does it become enabling, though? I don't know. I I I again, I'm the wrong person to ask because I don't think any of my kids are taking advantage.

Adrianne

That's what I feel. I feel like it I'm sure it's a certain age point. Uh obviously mine are younger, but I feel like once I feel like they are taking advantage, you know, like if they are supposed to pay the bill and they don't pay the bill and I have to keep asking them for that, then I feel like, okay, now you're going to go get your own phone plan because I'm not going to ask you again. So you can pay the three times as much because now it's your responsibility. So I feel like there has to be a line that if you're not respecting and we're being generous, then okay, then here's your next responsibility. I feel like at some point we have to start slowly, kind of like you guys did, you know. But I feel like you eventually have to.

Leanna

So then do you tell them I'm being generous? Like, do do you share with them? Like, this is not how a lot of people your age are having to function. This is not how I function within society, right? Like, so that they have an appreciation because I think it's very easy to get that entitlement, right? Of, oh, I'll just ask mom and she'll get it. Or I'm gonna go out to eat with my friends, I'm not gonna have money for the insurance bill. They're still gonna cover it, right? And even if it's not said, there's still that mentality behind it,

College, Trades, And Life Skills

Leanna

you know.

Kerri Ann

And I mean, just the lay of the land is changing. The workforce is different, you know, where we all would go to college, you know, what now we're weighing whether college makes sense for our kids. You know, do we get them right into, you know, trades? Do like what does that look like for them? You know, there's just a lot more to navigate. And yeah.

Leanna

Did you did just a random question? Did your parents help you navigate what you were doing out of high school? No.

Kerri Ann

I mean, well, they were there. You know, it was like, okay, I'm doing my college applications, I'm doing this and that. I mean, I didn't have to navigate FAFSA, but so many families did. We did. Yeah, I mean, we navigated FAFSA. It was just very different then, you know, and and again, I keep saying that. I sound like I'm like 110 years old. It was very different then.

Adrianne

And my mom didn't. She helped, but she helped in different ways. Like if I needed money, then if I had something, it could be jewelry, or at one point I had like a small piece of land. She was like, Okay, I'll buy that from you, or I'll buy the like it was not like I'm gonna give you this money. It was like, what are you going to sell me, you know, that I that she doesn't need.

SPEAKER_00

Yeah.

Adrianne

But she would buy it, or you know, didn't care if I went to her house and I grocery shopped at her house. Like that kind of stuff. I feel like she helped me with, but never pay rent, pay my car. No. One, I would never even ask. No. I would never because I'd feel like I had failed moving out. Yeah. And and that was not going to be an option that I had to, you know, do that. So I feel like it's just a mix of of how we, I guess, navigate it with our own kids of the case.

Leanna

Yeah. And each kid is different, each circumstance is different, right? But I think we help our children navigate almost everything.

Kerri Ann

Yeah.

Leanna

Like my mom didn't take me to the grocery store and say, this is how you grocery shop, and this is this is where you find the milk, and this is like she I just figured it out, right?

Adrianne

Yeah. And I just stood in line for five minutes at Fry's the other night because my coupon app wouldn't work and I could save seven dollars. And I was like, you will figure this out with the poor cashier. And Terry's like, where are you? And I'm like, I am going to save seven dollars. And now, did I just probably go to Starbucks and spend seven dollars on an IC, but it was the different that I was like, we're gonna save money here, but I couldn't, I don't even know like if my kids even would know to download an ad.

Kerri Ann

Here we are back when I grew up. Um, you know, there like we had driver's ed, we had home ec, we had typing and sewing and like all those like life skill things that taught, like I'm not saying that anybody, you know, became a chef out of home class from high school, but there's the mentality of like totally preparing kids along with parents, like understanding these are important things. Like finances is a huge thing with kids, like them understanding finding like as soon as kids turn 18, like I know I can tell you literally thousands and thousands of credit card applications that I've ripped up that my kids never saw. All that they are getting bombarded with all of this stuff that they're just not prepared for.

Adrianne

There's there's yeah, I feel like that's part of me wants to ease them into it, which is why I feel like we're in that middle phase. Like I want him to become,

Financial Traps, Credit, And Guardrails

Adrianne

I want them to become men, but I also don't want them to end up in a ton of debt. You know, Terry and I did that, and then you got to build dig yourself out. Absolutely. Like I want him to be like, oh yeah, it is expensive to have a car and insurance and all of these things, you know, that you don't think about when you're driving a car while it comes to the big thing.

Kerri Ann

I mean, one of the things that Brian has said so much since we've been together with the boys and the girls, and I lean into this even when we are having our wonderful little conversations. He says this. He's like, you know, while they're in our sphere, they are in a protected bubble. We need to let them bounce around in that bubble and make those mistakes because they're in our bubble. Once they're out, that's a different story. Yeah. And even when they're bouncing around in that bubble, I still have like moments because his bandwidth of bouncing is a little different than my bandwidth of bouncing. But it may, it is make sense. It makes sense. It's like, you know, let them bounce around, let them figure out the payments, let them figure out cars and all these other things, you know, let them figure out even potentially moving out. You know, I mean, Sandy and I were talking the other day about, you know, she had talked to one of her sons about, you know, why don't you get an apartment? We're gonna help you, you're gonna learn how to budget. This is gonna be yours, and you're gonna kind of bounce around in this space and let's see how you do. They're still there, but not there. And some people may say, hey, that's you shouldn't at all. Yeah. But, you know, sometimes there's those trial and error periods that help them feel good about what they're doing, be on their own, and then you start pulling things back from there.

Leanna

I don't think there's any right or wrong, honestly. I mean, it's just about having a conversation and and talking about the things that we are navigating, but I don't think I mean parents are shamed in every aspect of life, right? From the minute you announce that you're pregnant to the, you know, to the to the grown adults, right? I think we're parent-shamed a lot. So I don't think that there's any right or wrong. And if you want your kids to live with you till they're 70 and they love it, necessarily.

Adrianne

You're gonna be on the same street, we've decided. You're gonna all live on the same street together, and we're all gonna live around each other. I know. Yeah.

Kerri Ann

I don't know. It's adulting. I mean, I feel like I'm still learning how to adult.

Leanna

Oh, yeah.

Kerri Ann

Like, I mean, they don't want to adult anymore.

Leanna

I know. My kids call me with problems, and I'm like, why do they think I know how to do this? I don't So then Jeff and I are looking at each other like, what? And then we come up with some answer, and they're like, I knew you'd know. Dude, we don't know. We're just making it up. Right.

Kerri Ann

Well, and all of them are different. And I think that's again where you lean into your support systems because you know, I mean there are times where I am not gonna tell Brian, you are right, until a couple days later. And so, you know, especially when it comes to kids, you know, especially if you're a blended family. I mean, yeah, even and so many are blended, but there are a lot of in-tech families that I know they're going through the same things that we are with our kids and have very similar, you know, disagreements and conversations about who feels this about that. Yeah. I mean,

The Safe Bubble And Trial Runs

Kerri Ann

you have to lean into what everybody is doing and then just give your give your kids some grace, no matter how old they are. Because I still ask for grace from you guys, from my mom, from my husband.

Adrianne

So it yeah. I still call my mom and ask advice on things. And then I'll get annoyed that my kids called and asked me, and then I'll be like, hey, mom, blah, blah, blah, blah. And then I'm like, oh, I am completely doing the same thing. But but I appreciate you guys because I will say, when my kids are doing something crazy and I text one of you, and your kids have either already done it or aren't doing it, and we're like, are they sure they're not related? I'm like, okay, I'm okay. I'm an okay parent. It's all right. We're gonna make it. So we're gonna wrap up this one, but shoot us in the chat about what do you think about your kids as they grow into adults?

Voice Over

Yep. See you next time. Thank you. And that's a wrap on today's episode of the Group Chat Goes Live, Slightly Salty Edition. If you laughed, cringed, nodded along, or mentally texted your bestie, good. That means we did our job. Make sure you follow, subscribe, and slide into our DMs with your own slightly salty stories. You know we love the chaos. Until next time, keep your group chat spicy and the real world slightly saltier.