Some People Are Only Meant To Be Seasonal

We use the Tree Theory to get honest about adult friendships, trust, and why some people are only meant to stay for a season. We share how age, business, and hard lessons change our boundaries, and why we are done forcing leaf people to act like roots. 

• defining leaf people, branch people, and root people in real relationships 
• admitting how often we miscategorize people and why it hurts 
• comparing leaves vs branches and why branches can disappoint the most 
• keeping necessary guardrails in networking and social settings 
• recognizing we can be a leaf or branch in someone else’s life 
• shifting from chasing quantity to cultivating deep roots 
• spotting shallow-root relationships that look strong but topple 
• pruning your life on purpose and letting old patterns burn 
• describing our “forest” and what we want around us now 
• naming the midlife moment where we stop tolerating fluff 

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Transcript

Slightly Salty Welcome

Voice Over 0:02

Welcome to the Group Tech Goes Live, Slightly Salty Edition, where your three favorite troublemakers turn the chaos of the group text into a full-blown weekly show. We're talking real life, real opinions, and just enough sass to keep things interesting. No filters, no perfection. Just three women with big personalities, bold stories, and a habit of saying the quiet parts out loud. So grab your drink, brace yourself, and join us because the group chat didn't just spill the tea, it went live.

The Tree Theory Explained

Adrianne 0:33

Welcome back to another episode. And today we are going to kick it off with the tree theory. Yes, Eliana, kick us off on what is the tree theory?

Leanna 0:44

Okay, so apparently we're becoming theory girls, which is fine. But one that really stuck with me, I heard it several years ago. And I'm gonna tell you who said it. Don't discount it. But Medea said it in a movie. And honestly, I think it's super wise. So I kind of wanted to go over it and see what you guys think. So she was saying that there are three types of people in your life. There's the leaf people. These people come into your life for just a season. You can't depend on them. They are weak. They only come to take what they want and then they leave. The branch people, they are strong but break away when life becomes tough. They will stay a season, but will go when life becomes harder. And then there's the root people. These are very important people. They don't do things to be seen, they're the ones that stay during difficult times and help give you life. So I I I mean we talk, I think sometimes, a lot of times, we don't give uh people the freedom to sometimes be leaf people. I'll just talk for myself. I think sometimes when I welcome someone into my world, I automatically assume that they're gonna be root people, and then I find out they're branch people or leaf people. And I don't know, it's just hard. Why why don't we kind of accept that some people are just meant to be there for a little period of time.

Kerri Ann 2:26

Yeah. Teach us things.

Leanna 2:28

Yeah. I don't love the part that says that they're weak and they're they're only there to take, but if you think about what the leaves do, they take all the nutrients from the roots and the trees. And then they fall away. And then they fall away. And how many people truly are roots? I think those are like few and far between. I think a lot of people are branches. They look like they're gonna be there. You know what I mean? They look solid and then they're not. So I feel like I'm in the I'm in the tree

Misreading People And Getting Burned

Leanna 3:05

era of life. Right? Figuring it all out.

Adrianne 3:09

And I think I feel like the older we get, that it's easier to see the seasons of who's a leaf and then who's a branch and then who's the roots. And I don't know why I like for me, I feel like I can t see that easily just because of what they're asking or what they're doing, or if I ask for something and it's not being given at the same level that I gave to them, then I know immediately, like, okay, like this is a time in life that we're gonna be with these people are my life, or maybe I need to learn something from them, and then it's time to, you know, they need to fly away.

Kerri Ann 3:45

I don't know. I was laying in a big bunch of leaks for a really long time. Holy moly. I I mean, I just even think about it, like just when you're little, and you know, when your parents, if you live like back east, like you would get all the leaves and put them on a pile and jump on them. And you know, I I think I I agree with you is that when I look, like the leaves made me see the other leaves for who they were. Yeah, but it took a lot of leaves to get there, and I just think that's the nature of of who each person is individually. Like I just try to see the best in everybody until they prove me wrong. Yeah. And that has not bowed well for me in my life. I I don't know if I can authentically come into a relationship any different, but I am more protective now because at 50 almost seven years old I, you know, I I want the time that I have, the people that I am bringing into my inner world to be. I don't I don't think I have a lot of leaves left in me. Or maybe I just don't have the patience for leaves anymore. I really don't even have the patience for branches anymore. I think which is unique for me.

Leanna 5:14

Yeah. I'm good at identifying leaves. Like you said, like that's pretty easy. Like the same level of enthusiasm to which you're helping or they're helping or whatever. It's the branches that I still get stuck on.

Kerri Ann 5:27

People that look solid and then when it comes down to it, they just I'd rather actually have a whole bunch of leaves more than branches, because I think the branches disappoint you the very most.

Adrianne 5:40

Absolutely. Yeah, I think they do. I feel like yes and no. I feel like on the branches that some people are just they're there for longer, good or bad, but I think you have to have the branches to grow. So whether it's a good branch for a long time, I think it's just more of, you know, can you trust trust people or not? But I don't know. When I look back at my whole life, I've always kept a pretty small circle of like core root people. Yeah. It's pretty small. And to get in it, it takes a lot for me to allow you in. And I probably only have one tree that has one tree with one root because I am very like I just keep it so sacred. So there could be a lot of branches, and over life I've appreciated or not appreciated people. But I'm okay with the branches part. Honestly, the leaves are for me are exhausting because I'm not a big people person. Yeah. And the more leaves that come in and out, to me, that's exhausting because I just don't have the patience for fakeness or if you need something from me, and then I'm giving, giving, because I for the longest time was a yes person, yes, yes, yes. And uh, and then I get annoyed and exhausted being a yes person. So I don't know. I feel like I look at it a little differently because I am just my whole life has always been very small groups.

Kerri Ann 7:02

So then that leads you into what is your tree? Because, like while you're talking, I'm thinking of like my husband, and his tree is probably like this Charlie Brown tree that is one thing with one little leaf and a whole bunch of roots. Because he just lives his life that way. He doesn't allow for a lot of leaves and he doesn't allow for a lot of branches.

Networking Leaves And Guarded Friendships

Leanna 7:24

I think sometimes though, with where we are in business and networking is a big part of our it's how we grow, right? Like there are a lot of leaves everywhere. So unless you have a life that you don't need leaves, I think you're constantly surrounded by them.

SPEAKER_06 7:48

Right.

Leanna 7:48

And as I'm thinking of it, I think she she said something about like the leaves are there to throw shade or to provide shade. And I that's kind of funny to me, right? Because or fertilization for the tree. There you go, right? But no, honestly, in that there is, and I think it's very easy to say we don't like leaves, we don't want leaves, but there is a point to them. They really do. If it's scorching hot outside and I see a tree with leaves or a tree without leaves, I'm gonna pick one with the leaves. You know, like so is there a benefit to having leaves?

Kerri Ann 8:26

I think so. I mean, I think those people are those people are the people that to me you can have just fun with, or you can just go to an event with, or you can have you know, go to an event with, go do something with them. Yeah, but you have to be protective of what you say and what you like There's a guard there. There has to be. Yeah. I mean, I think again, there wasn't for me for a lot of years, but now there is. I see the leaves, I have an appreciation for them. I just don't, I don't I know they're not gonna be around for a long period of time.

Leanna 9:12

I guess, and the up the opposite of that is I'm sure for some people, I am their leaves. And for some people, I'm their branches. And for some people, I hope I'm their roots. You know what I mean? So just to I think it's very easy to categorize people and things as, well, you're a leaf and you don't get to be in my, you know what I mean? Like I don't want you on my tree. But then for me to realize too that for certain people, I'm not going to give 110%. Even if they would for me, just because I maybe I don't have the bandwidth or I don't have you know the bigger the tree, the more it takes. You know what I mean? To sustain that tree. I may not have what it takes to be a branch for someone or a root for someone just because I can't.

Kerri Ann 10:07

Well, I think our lives, like I said, with the tree. I mean, in life, your tree changes.

Leanna 10:13

Yeah.

Kerri Ann 10:14

You know, what you need around it, like your the amount of leaves, the amount of branches, the amount of roots, it's just very different as you go through life. I mean, my my mom is probably one of the most unique people I know. I haven't ever met anybody that doesn't love Franny. And she has lifelong friends, like from diapers. And even when we moved out here, she has these new lifelong friends that have been since we like she's just really unique in that way. You know, I just have always seen her tree just be very rooted. And she doesn't really, you know, she'll tell me, you know, if you get through life and have a couple great friends, you are gonna be the most fortunate person on the face of the planet. And that coming from somebody that has a a lot of really wonderful, close friends that would just do anything for her. Yeah. But I just think everybody's tree is different. I see my tree getting smaller, people thinner, but a lot more roots. That's what I need as I'm looking at my life moving on.

Adrianne 11:30

Yeah. I feel like I see myself when you were talking about the Charlie Brown Brown tree. I was like, I feel like I'm becoming a sorrow cactus. Like I'm a little prickly and like you gotta kind of you gotta be a pretty flower that shows up on me, but I don't know if I'm a tree anymore. Now we have a new theory. It's the cactus theory. Yeah, that was what I was picturing. I'm like, I think I'm a cactus. But no, I don't allow leaves on there. I allow pretty flowers and then they'll go. So I like to have nice things, nice people, and then they phase out. Yeah. In my business.

Kerri Ann 12:04

There's been some people that I am so glad the leaves flew away. Yeah. I'm so, so glad.

SPEAKER_06 12:10

Yeah.

Kerri Ann 12:10

But you know what? I like you said, we, you know, are we leaves to other people and how do we feel about that? Because I have had people in my life that it was like all of a sudden they were gone, and I'm like, oh, what what did I do?

Leanna 12:25

Yeah.

Kerri Ann 12:26

And you know, that being a leaf to somebody else.

Adrianne 12:31

That that could be okay too, though. Yeah. Is to be like sometimes I feel like you're in someone's life for a moment, and maybe you did help them. Because leaves I don't think are all negative, but you did go and help them, but that's not a rooted relationship. Right. You're just helping each other and then moving on. So they were they're in that short period of time that you were the leaf for them, and then you flew off and on to the next, you know. So if that's the case, which I don't disagree with, then why are we anti-leaf? I'm an anti-leaf of like other leaves coming to me.

Leanna 13:06

So you're willing to be other people's leaves, but you're not.

Adrianne 13:09

I'm willing to help others if they need help. But I I don't know. I think it's just it's probably just me in this era of life that I just have such I'm just very sacred to what I allow in. And I'm not, I just don't do a lot of fluff anymore.

Leanna 13:26

No.

Adrianne 13:27

And so I feel like if you are someone who wants to be in my realm and you're fake and fluffy, then that's just not an era I'm in. And so that's where I feel like my tree probably has very little leaves because I just I can be in a group in a meeting and be like, nope, nope, nope. Because it if it's not benefiting me and them, then what's the point of it? Like I don't need a giant tree full. I just need the right, you know, people. So I feel like it's not that I don't like leaves, it's just I'm very picky about who I just allow in my little realm.

unknown 14:06

Yeah.

Leanna 14:06

I'm definitely learning that when you show me who you are the first time, I'm gonna believe you. That's not saying you have to be perfect, no one's perfect, doesn't mean you can't have a bad day. But I've looked, overlooked integrity things in the past, and every time it's bitten me, and now I've finally that lesson has been burned into me, right? So if I see that's who you are, and you just happen to be in my realm where you we are constantly at the same events or we are constantly somehow interacting, I appreciate the fact that I know that about themselves. They showed who they are, and I can I can make sure that they stay a leaf, right? I don't miscategorize them as a branch or as a root.

Kerri Ann 15:01

And we can appreciate people to be living in their beauty of that moment. Yeah. You know, like I think about one of my favorite things is going up north and seeing

Letting Go Of Quantity For Roots

Kerri Ann 15:12

the trees change color. And you can have this big, beautiful tree that has all these different colored leaves, and it just invokes in you this feeling of just wow, you know, like this is a part of life.

SPEAKER_06 15:25

Yeah.

Kerri Ann 15:26

So your tree can be full and it can feel great, but I think the big part is is that once all those leaves are gone, the tree is gonna be bare, and then at some point it's gonna grow new leaves. That just means you have to have strong roots.

Leanna 15:43

Yeah.

Kerri Ann 15:44

And like to me, that's the biggest part of what I'm learning as I'm getting older is I truly want to cultivate the roots because no matter what happens to that tree, you know, beautiful times, bare, whatever it is, if my roots are strong, that's what's gonna help me get through.

Leanna 16:07

Yeah. I think I spent a lot of my younger years neglecting my roots and worried about how many leaves I had, right? It wasn't, am I gonna go have dinner with four of my great friends? It's are there gonna at least be 50 people there, right? Like who's gonna be there? And then as leaves started to turn color and fall off, I spent a lot of time trying to glue the leaves back on or like support them so they didn't fall off or yes, or or try and talk nice, please don't fall, please don't fall, you're you know, just hang on. And I was definitely focused on the wrong types of relationships that I cultivated, right? It really was about quantity, right? How many people do I know, how many people know me, how many people, you know, are how much shade is provided for me if things get hard. And I think I if someone was like, if I wanted them to be a root and they wanted to be a leaf, I'd be like, okay, let's compromise and let's be branches, right? And and then like you like I was constantly disappointed when the branches would fall away, right? So now in my wisdom, I'm like, hmm, I understand that leaves have a a place. I understand that there's beauty in it, I understand that there's value there, and it does provide a benefit, but I'm pouring back into my roots that I neglected for so long. Because you don't see the roots, right? You you don't, so I never had to worry about them. Well, the tree's still there, so they must be fine.

Shallow Roots, Deep Roots, Real Strength

Kerri Ann 17:54

Well, and then the other part is deep roots.

unknown 17:56

Yeah.

Kerri Ann 17:57

Because like I keep thinking of these terrible trees that are in our neighborhood. I think it's the sis who's or whatever, that they they get the water from the top, so all of their roots are on the top, and they're the trees that will fall over, and they get huge, but their roots are just spread all over the top. So at the end of the day, it's not a strong tree. Yeah, it just looks like it from the outside. And that I think was a big part of many of the stages of my life, is that you know, I look like a certain tree, and it was this big tree with roots and all this stuff, but the roots were just at the surface. Yeah. And I had to change that. I had to look and be like, okay, that is not sustainable. Like this is gonna topple over and it doesn't feel authentic. It doesn't feel good, even though it might look great on the outside. It is, it's it's gonna fall over. And now in life, like I am making sure my roots are the ones that are the deep roots, the ones that are truly strong. No matter what happens to the branches or the leaves, that I know that the roots are strong. Cause for too long they were falling

Pruning Branches And Burning Old Patterns

Kerri Ann 19:11

on.

Adrianne 19:11

And I think, you know, we talk about the leaf leaving, but I think too, like in life, in business, like you gotta prune a tree. Like you yourself have to, I mean, that's what makes them grow. That's what makes them become beautiful and big, and that it's okay to prune our tree, cut some branches. I was in my head, I was like picturing, you know, those little hatches.

SPEAKER_04 19:30

Like, I'm gonna take you all down. Like make the branches on that. I might be a little feisty about my tree.

Adrianne 19:37

But I just think, you know, part of it too is not just them leaving, is that sometimes we have to prune our lives. Or light it on fire.

SPEAKER_04 19:45

It's a burning tree. Victory is over with. We could have bonfire tonight.

Adrianne 19:51

But yeah, I think that makes it grow too, and I and makes you realize, you know, that you are getting the right branches. You have, you know, your roots are getting there. And I don't know. I feel like in this time in my life, I'm very fortunate of who are my roots in life and how deep-rooted they are. And I don't see that changing. Like I don't know.

What Our Life Forest Looks Like

Kerri Ann 20:13

So, what does your forest look like? If you were to take your life of all the trees and make it a little forest, what would it look like now? I feel like if I had my own forest. Of your life of trees.

Adrianne 20:28

I would have, I feel like I would have like pine cone Christmas trees because I like the smell and it would make me happy. And cones fall away, but they're still pretty. And I would have my cactus because that's just me, yeah. I feel like I'd have a variety of and then I feel like I'd have one of those giant big, I don't know if they're an oak tree, but you know those big trees where you can have a swing in it that are like the old rooted trees. Old, old school trees, not in any of our neighborhoods, because we haven't had neighbors long enough. That would be probably my main family tree. Like all of my good friends and life would be that giant tree. Like I don't need a whole forest. I just need a few, you know.

Leanna 21:15

That would be and you know, I think it would I'm going between two answers. One is the willow because it looks thin and I'd like to look thin. But but it's actually the strongest of trees because it bends and it doesn't break. So it takes a lot to break to break a willow down, right? So that would be my first answer. Either that or the aspen, because they share branches. And you get these beautiful trees that all are intertwined with each other, and they all feed each other. Other and I kind of think that that's where I am in my life. Like, I mean, we all obviously have our own family trees, right? But how much of my life is better because of what you provide and what you provide, and what you know, Jeff and his family pro you know what I mean? Like it really is this beautiful network of trees where everybody grows because collectively we're better. So those are my two answers. What do you got?

SPEAKER_02 22:32

Wow, you guys did some pretty answers. She knows names of trees. I know. That's the only two I know.

Leanna 22:39

Those are the only two I know.

SPEAKER_04 22:41

I'm treating them myself.

Kerri Ann 22:44

I feel like I'm gonna be very honest. There's a whole bunch of scorched earth. It is a lot of scorched earth. And when I think about it, I think of you know, Brian and I love to go up north. And one of the things that I love is, you know, the big trees. And around it, around this big, strong, beautiful tree, is these little tiny trees that take roots around the tree because of what it has grown to be. And fire is not necessarily bad because it's something that burns the old trees down and then it nurtures the ground so that new trees can grow. And I I feel like when I think about it, that's me. You're on the regrowth. Nothing about, you know, saying that just me carry in. Yeah. You know, that when I look at all the different leaves and trees and roots and everything, that I'm finally moving into that phase where, you know, my tree can be strong. I'm very real about what the tree is and how I want the tree to be. But I'm also really, really hopeful that through all of that fire and earth and fertilization, that those little trees that are surrounding me that are that are growing are healthy and happy. And I look at that as like my family and the people, you know, my kids and my one son that says that I don't eat breakfast. You like just like that's that's what I see.

Adrianne 24:35

But you know, when you think on on that, I'll think back when we had property in Heber and the big fire came through and so many, you know, big parts of Heber and Sholo, you know, everything was just gone.

SPEAKER_02 24:48

Yep.

Adrianne 24:49

And at the moment you thought, wow, all of that beauty was gone. But really, the regrowth was even more beautiful. Yeah. Like more trees came. And then I also, for you, I don't know why, but I'm picturing like through those fires, there's always those big trees that you're like, man, that thing got burnt, but it's still there. And then it starts sprouting out green and beautiful, and it comes back gorgeous, yeah, but it never fully burnt. That that sucker stayed through that fire, you know what I mean? And then it became the beautiful tree because it lasted through all of that, and then the little trees around it grew. So I picture you as that one. You got you scorched a little bit, but you're coming back strong.

Leanna 25:28

All right. And you know, I love, but I love that I think you can't live a long life without having some scorched earth. Fires come through every however often, right?

Why Roots Matter More With Age

Leanna 25:43

And understanding that that's part of the process, but I'm wondering what happens, because it sounds like we're all pretty much, and we haven't talked about this before. Literally, this is like our first time talking about it, but what happened that got us all to the point where we stopped focusing on the leaves or we didn't care about the branches? Do you think like it's an age thing or a life experience thing? What happens that suddenly the roots matter most?

Adrianne 26:13

I think it's a mix. I think that if you are the personalities that say yes to everything, as you get older, you start realizing like what's important. And I think through age you start seeing more of like your how fast your family grew, what's happening are happening at rapid speed, who's backstabbed you, who's done this. And I just think, and part of it could be, you know, they say when you hit middle age, you have a like no, you don't care. Yes. Like you're just now, you're coming into your era of you just don't put up with it. And so I don't know if that also helps narrow down that you're we're on the second half of our life, and I'm not gonna put up with any bullshit. So we you might have a I mean, you're on the second half of your life. Um I just feel like you're that like I'm just not willing to put up with as much. So I don't know if it's like a defining moment or it's just in life finally where you know, if I'm in my car crying, and you all know I'm not the I'm not an emotional one, and I'm losing it, that I finally am like, what am I doing? Like, am I gonna care about this in three years or a year? Yeah no. So it's time to to restructure everything.

Leanna 27:28

Yeah. I love that. Well, thank you guys for going down that rabbit hole with me because I heard it and I love it. And I just have to remember to let people be who they are and not try and force them into a certain position in my life.

Kerri Ann 27:43

Well, and I think it's it's a lot easier to look at the totality of all the people in your world and use something like the tree theory to kind of help you decide how your life is going to move forward. Yeah. In changes in ways. And it kind of just allows you to have a better understanding without feeling like you're, you know, picking and choosing people over people. You just know what the tree needs, you know what the roots need, you know what you need, and the rest of it just can be beautiful sometimes, and other times it has to have a hatchet. Yes. Or we light it on fire.

Adrianne 28:27

We're gonna end it on that note. Bye, guys. If someone does a comment about a swirrow not being a tree, I'm gonna delete it. They're gonna be like, that's not a tree. I don't know what you consider a sorrow, but I was just like, in my head, I'm like, someone's gonna make a comment about my sworo. I don't think they will.

Leanna 28:43

I think cactuses are trees.

Adrianne 28:45

I think they are. What are they? I have I don't not a I am not a gardener.

Kerri Ann 28:49

Well, God, you threw up maple and asphyxie. I know she like growth. Like, what?

Leanna 28:55

Are you a horticulturist or something now? No, when we lived in Colorado, we had an aspen tree like my favorite trees. And Jeff was like, Do you know that there's only one? They share a root system. It's my husband. He knows all the trees.

Kerri Ann 29:06

I was like looking at her and I'm like, she pulling this

Final Laughs And How To Reach Us

Kerri Ann 29:10

up. I know.

Voice Over 29:10

I was like, I was just like a big tree. And that's a wrap on today's episode of the Group Chat Goes Live, Slightly Salty Edition. If you laughed, cringed, nodded along, or mentally texted your bestie, good. That means we did our job. Make sure you follow, subscribe, and slide into our DMs with your own slightly salty stories. You know we love the chaos. Until next time, keep your group chat spicy and the real world slightly saltier.