Do Not Disturb Is The New Self Care

We chase the idea of a “healthy hustle” and get honest about how quickly ambition, money, and responsibility can blow up our boundaries. We sort through burnout, phone overload, and what it actually takes to protect our time without giving up on big goals. 
• defining a healthy hustle as hard work with healthy hearts and relationships 
• recognizing the two extremes of push nonstop or check out completely 
• admitting how money and lifestyle wants can tempt us to overbook ourselves 
• reframing work-life balance as personal and more like harmony than a perfect split 
• naming the pressure of leadership and the reality of teams and payroll 
• sharing a real burnout moment and why friends help break the shame spiral 
• calling out always-on culture, comparison, and notification fatigue 
• trying practical boundaries like Do Not Disturb, auto-replies, send later, and airplane mode 
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Kerri Ann: https://www.facebook.com/kerri.carmodyvalenzuela

Want to send us a message? Contact us here:  

Adrianne: adrianne@lynchteamaz.com

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Leanna: info@debellevueconsulting.com

Transcript

Welcome To Slightly Salty

Voice Over 0:02

Welcome to the Group Chat Goes Live Slightly Salty Edition, where your three favorite troublemakers turn the chaos of the group text into a full-blown weekly show. We're talking real life, real opinions, and just enough sass to keep things interesting. No filters, no perfection. Just three women with big personalities, bold stories, and a habit of saying the quiet parts out loud. So grab your drink, brace yourself, and join us. Because the group chat didn't just spill the tea, it went live.

What A Healthy Hustle Means

Adrianne 0:33

Welcome back to another episode. And this episode is going to be called the Healthy Hustle. And my thoughts on this more. I know, I was like, my thought on healthy hustle. So I was at church and they were talking about a healthy hustle. And I started thinking about the three of us. One, because we most of the time probably do not have a healthy hustle. But I think in our minds, like our goal is to have a healthy hustle. And so he was talking about a healthy hustle is you are working hard, but you also have healthy hearts. So healthy hearts, healthy relationships, and that like you just internally are healthy. Yeah. So how do you create a healthy hustle? And I thought, well, that's a great topic for all of us since it's something that we all struggle with. And how as now we're we are getting older, we our lives are transitioning a little bit. How do we start creating? Or what are steps we are slowly doing to create that healthy hustle?

Hustle Mode Versus Checked Out

Leanna 1:31

I thought it was interesting because I also went to church and heard the same message and maybe got looked at a few times by my husband. It was interesting that he said that there's two schools of people, that there tend to be those people that push, push, push all the time and are always hustling and always trying to get to that next level. And then those that have checked out, right? And that are like, you know what, I'm not good. And I feel like I was pushing so hard for so long that I burned out, and then I was like, you know what, I don't want to do anything. And he was saying that both of those are, you know, I think our culture looks at the hustle as something that's desirable, but the reality is there's that healthy middle. And it really kind of hit me that I think in this last year we've all recognized that that hustle culture wasn't for us and trying to navigate to a healthy place when maybe others around us haven't done it. Like I don't feel like there's anyone that's really kind of blazed the trail. Like we're all just trying to figure it out. Yeah, I agree.

Kerri Ann 2:46

I think you have. I think you both have. Because she's been she's been really, Adrienne. She, you, you have been blazing the road with boundary girl. And the I, you know, I don't care what anybody thinks. You love everyone and you want goodness around you, and you want people, you know, good people around you, but you also have really, really defined the art of boundary to protect yourself and you with the sale of the business and everything that happened through that. Like I feel like the two of you for us blaze the trail for us to be me. No. But all of us to be more thoughtful about what is the middle.

Money Temptation And Overbooking Yourself

Adrianne 3:33

Yeah. I feel like the struggle I still have, and you know, Terry would give the side eye on any of those conversations, is that I do have a mindset that if I'm not doing something, I'm not succeeding, or I'm missing, you know, I so it is hard. Like I'm trying to train myself, like it's okay to relax or do those things. But I also know that I'm a little bougie. And I have like, I don't want to count in a month the me line item budget between every supplement and hair and nails and like the things that I like, car or whatever, the things massages. I mean, I could go on a list of like my my personal care that then I'm like, well, shoot, well, you gotta work because like I like those things. So then I feel like that's a hard thing too, because yes, could I give them up? Yes. But then I get in the like the rut of the because in my mind I'm like, well, that's my healthy part. Yeah. This is all about me, but everything cost money. So then I'm, you know, on the hustle side of like, well, you know, you got to make X amount of money because that's just play money for you to go do that. And then you have all, you know, you have to do these things. So I feel like I'm in that weird struggle of yes, the boundaries, yes, I like I want to have fun and more time like hanging out with Terry and travel when anyone asks me to. But I also do like to spend money.

Kerri Ann 4:52

But I do think that's that's the definition of healthy hustle, then. Because you are you are looking and saying, these are the things that I need. This is what I want my life to be. And because of that, then I have to do this because I want to do all of it. To me, Kiri Ann, that's a healthy hustle. You're already kind of there.

Adrianne 5:14

But I feel like the hard part for me is I don't know if it's gonna sound weird. Like, I like money. And when like a business, I'll be like, okay, this is my boundary and I have free time to do XYZ if I stay in this lane. But then I'm like, oh, yep, I'll take that client. Yep, I'm gonna do that. Yep. And then it like starts, and then I'm like, oh, how many more clients can I take this month? And then all of a sudden I've lost my balance because then Terry's like, hey, can you do this? I'm like, no, I'm booked. Can you do it? Nope, I'm booked. I'm like, this whole week is gone. And then I start going back to the old patterns because I'm like, no, how many can I, what can I do? How how far can I push myself? Yeah. And then I lose my boundary again not with other people, my own internal boundary that I set.

Kerri Ann 5:55

But I do you also think potentially that's the nature of the business that you're in? Because in real estate, like you have to capitalize on the business when it's there because it's been such a volatile industry. Like I I kind of view that for you because when it's moving and rocking and rolling, you have because you are you are a professional, all you do is real estate. You you know, this is your life and has been. You've gotten through the ups and downs, you know the ups and downs, you almost can predict them. So I think if it's rolling like that, it's just gonna be your nature to be like, I need to just tuck it in and do everything I need to do right now because you just don't know what tomorrow's gonna bring. Because you've seen a lot of tomorrow's that have not brought a lot.

Balance Versus Harmony In Real Life

Leanna 6:45

Yeah. That's for sure. No, and I think honestly, I don't think that there ever is a balance. I don't think we're ever gonna have it figured out. I still have two very distinct modes where I'm either in front of the computer and eight hours flies by, like it feels like 20 minutes because I'm in the zone and I'm getting stuff done and I'm really excited and I'm rolling stuff out, or I'm the exact opposite. I'm on my couch with my fuzzy blanket watching my 90-day, and it doesn't really feel like there's a mix in between like a balance in between. You know what I mean? So is there such a thing as a balance?

Adrianne 7:30

I don't know about so I was one time I was uh it was a meeting and they didn't call it a balance, they called it a harmony, because kind of like uh you said, like sometimes you're busy and you're this and then you're with family or like it's like an ebb and flow of of a harmony versus a hard set balance. And like I mean, I don't know if we'd ever I don't know I mean bored if it was balanced.

Kerri Ann 7:55

Well, I you know, I think balance means something to each person differently. Because I know like when we have people like the like the people on my team, you know, before, because I'm very lucky they've been with me a while, and you know, we would sit and talk about, you know, people would always say, Well, I need a good work-life balance. And I'm like, Well, what does that mean to you? Because ultimately this is what it means in our world. In our world, a work-life balance means you work a lot, but when you work a lot, you benefit from that. And when you're not working, you're not working. So you could work, you know, 10 hours a day, six days in a row, and then not, you know, and then not have anything for four other days. And you can't like work-life balance to each person and each industry is really different. And I think it's, you know, for like an I'm another thing that I'm not great at, but I'm learning, is you know, like I'm really, really learning that for the work-life balance, it's really obviously it's important to bring in money.

Voice Over 8:59

Yeah.

Kerri Ann 9:00

You know, it I think I told you guys that I there's the a new documentary that's coming out, and it's this gal that's like, you know, going through all over the world and looking at different ways that you live a long life. And the like the top three things she came out of, and she studied, like went through all medical, like everything. And it was social interaction, health and well-being as far as what you eat and you know, getting up and moving around, and then financial security, whatever that means to you. But they found that people live longer, better lives when they are not poor to whatever that word means. I haven't seen it yet. But anyway, to to bring that back is that I think that's the fear when you're continuing to build, like you're like always wondering when is enough enough and and and balancing that time off. And I'm not good at that. I'm getting better at that. Like, I'm getting better at like when we go away or go to dinner, or even with friends or with Brian, like I put my phone off to the side, and really am trying in every way to take that time to be checked in to that. And that's the only way that I'm learning to find a little balance right now. I'm hoping to get more of that in the future, but I think you have to be very structural about that. Like, what is it that you want that's gonna give you that middle of either like full on going full roar or I'm just not doing anything? Yeah, and sometimes when you're going full roar all the time and you're building and building, building, it's hard to not. I mean, you saw that. We had to like literally tell you to stop.

Leanna 10:46

I know, I know, and now I'm like, should I have stopped? Because now I don't want to start again, you know. But no, I I don't know if there is, you know, I he presented it very well, but sometimes I don't know if business owners can truly have a healthy hustle. I think you can have ebbs and flows and you can be intentional and things like that. But when you are building and you have the responsibility of not only providing for yourself, you have a team. I had a team, you we've all had teams, right? Where it is up to us to navigate this business to where you can feed not only yourself, but those under you. There's so much pressure that could you imagine? Sorry, I didn't make payroll this week, but I was on the beach for four days and I totally just fed my soul. Like that's not a thing, right? So trying to figure out how to not push yourself to that burnout stage, still get stuff done without sacrificing.

Adrianne 11:55

And I as lovely as that sounds, I kind of took two that he was saying though, too, is that if you're just go, go, go all the time, even though you have the responsibility, if you don't have some healthy boundaries of like your health and your family, then you aren't fully satisfied or you're going to get burnt out quicker because that our bodies and our soul need that balance. Oh, I agree. You've got to be able to figure out how, even though it's not balanced, how do you ebb and flow to make sure that you are dabbling a little bit in each of those so that

Burnout Spirals And Friend Intervention

Adrianne 12:32

I'm not sure?

Kerri Ann 12:32

Well, and everybody around you feels it. I mean, yeah. Not too long ago, we were sitting on the floor in an empty office where I was having a nervous breakdown because I was literally like, I'm a bad wife, I'm a bad mother, I'm a bad friend, I'm a bad daughter, I'm a bad boss, I'm a bad, I'm a bad, I'm bad at all these things, but yet I am working seven days a week, 24 hours a day. And how is this and all you get in the mode of like, I'm going at such a fast pace, my life is literally flying by me, and I'm not feeling like I'm doing well at anything. When you're in that, you you it it is that go, go, go. And it is hard to balance that. It is hard to because at that point something's gotta change.

Leanna 13:23

But in that, having people around you to remind you of who you are when we can't, and I think we've all done it for each other. Remind each other who we know, right? Here's the lie that you're telling yourself, that you're not great at these things. Here's what the truth is. The truth is you have created this and that, and your children are healthy, and you're uh two of your best friends are telling you that you're a good friend, you know, all of those things. I don't know if I'm ever gonna forget sitting in that office. First of all, I'm too old to be sitting on the floor. That said, in that moment, I remember stopping and thinking of honestly how incredibly blessed that I am because we were sitting there talking to you, but there's been times that you guys have been sitting there talking. Like there's no one that we wouldn't have done that for, right? And how blessed we are that we have that. And how many people unfortunately don't have that support system that goes, wait a second, you don't have to go seven days a week, 24 hours a day. Here's what you're doing really well. Let's focus on that. Here's some areas that maybe we can tweak or whatever that is, because we're not made to go 24-7. We something's gotta give. And I I think I'm learning that if we don't decide when and how to give that, our body's gonna do it for us.

Kerri Ann 14:53

Oh, no doubt. That's why it got talked about at church.

Leanna 14:57

Yes. Yeah, yeah. And whatever the Lord wants us to have, the Lord will give us. That's what I'm going for this week.

Kerri Ann 15:03

Well, when you're at sit and be quiet and listen. And sometimes it's like in the mix of a day, you don't really hear it. And now you have to sit and listen. And obviously, if he's talking about it at church, there's a whole bunch of people in that church that needed to hear that.

Always On Culture And Comparison

Kerri Ann 15:20

Yeah.

Adrianne 15:20

And I I feel like right now we are in a culture of people being burnt out, maxed out, and I think that's why it's being talked about, because I think there's such a high expectation that we all have of ourselves and that we're we, the world who people, whatever, but are worried what everyone's gonna think, or you know, are we gonna let people down, that you get so into your own mind, and then I feel like that's where there's just so many people so stressed out and maxed out. And in the big scheme of life, half of that no one's gonna remember it the next day anyway, is that we've stressed about. But I think that's why it's being talked about is I think more and more people are starting to see that everyone is just I mean, even on the roads, everyone is so intense and so angry.

Kerri Ann 16:04

Yeah, before when you used to be stressed out, intense, and all the things you are, you just were in your bubble. But now you're all the same things, you're in your bubble, but then you turn on your phone and now you're in everyone else's bubble. Yeah and now you're comparing yourself to everyone else, like there's all the other voices that wasn't a big deal before, and now you like that adds a whole level to the feeling of stress.

Leanna 16:33

And I think before we got a break, right? The generation before us, you go to work in your workplace, in your office, and you did your work, and then you clocked out and you went home. There weren't emails following you home. There wasn't a smartphone to ding at you and to remind you of all of these things, right? You weren't working in your home. You had a separate place, and I think it was easier to leave that stress or leave whatever it was behind for the day. And I think our generation, it seems like we're just a generation of perfectionists that have this go, go, go, we have to achieve, we have to achieve, we have to achieve. And then the generation coming after us is looking at us and they're like, We're not doing that. We see how tired you are, we see how grumpy and aggressive and whatever, right? Whatever adjective that is. And then we're looking at them thinking, why don't you work? Like, where you gotta do something, right? There's like this idea that and they're like, No, move it along. Yeah, yeah. No, I don't have to answer on a Friday night at 10 o'clock. No, and and they're setting boundaries that we have not set for ourselves. And I think honestly, it's probably our generation. I don't know. Our parents obviously messed us up because we got this whole generation of uh people who just push, push, push. But I think that there's somewhere.

Kerri Ann 17:55

I just feel like I'm on a constant, you guys have heard me say apology tour because we're accessible all the time. And like I can work an entire day and go and I can there is no way feasible in one night after all of that to follow up on phone calls and emails and check LinkedIn for all those messages. And is there any messages on the, you know, both of the business, you know, Facebook page? And that like there is so many places to check and so many things to do. And then you end up apologizing and saying, I'm sorry, your text message that you sent me got buried 30 below and I just did not scroll up enough, or I didn't see that. Like it's being connected 24-7 and the expectation of that. Yeah, like you can't tell the world, send me a message, an email, or a text, and I've got 48 hours to return because people want you right away. Yeah, and that's just what we're living in.

Leanna 18:59

Do you remember when our kids were little and they would be like, mommy, mommy, mommy, mommy? And no matter what you're trying to do, like you're just like, What? Right? I feel like sometimes that's what it feels like every time my phone dings. Yes, mommy, mommy, what do you and even if it's something, and then you look over and they're like, you know, there's these little sweet faces, and and then you're like, wow. Yes. It's just that constant poke of look at me, look at me, look at me. Right. So it's over.

Adrianne 19:28

I feel like it's overwhelming of the amount of notifications. And I think that's where like you get almost tone death to it because it can be like I'll sit down and watch a show with Terry and not put it on Do Not Disturb, and we're trying to watch it like ding, ding. And it's all different, like you know, it's like someone says something on Facebook or TikTok or someone sent me a text, or and then Terry's like, what is happening over there? And I'm like, I don't know. I just I don't pay to and I'll be like, that's fine. That one was LinkedIn. That was because I know all of their sounds together and all the technology.

Kerri Ann 19:58

Oh, it's so I was driving in my truck and I literally almost I almost had a stroke because I'm in the front and I'm talking to myself because I'm working through something, and I don't realize my iPad is behind me in a bag and it was on. So freaking iPad Siri or whatever her name is on the iPad kept saying, mm-hmm and asking me questions. And I'm like, what is happening in my car right now? My phone is up front, but the iPad would not stop anything I said. And I'm like, this is too much. Like, this is insane.

Do Not Disturb And 48 Hour Replies

Kerri Ann 20:35

Yeah.

Leanna 20:35

Insanity. Yeah. How do we create the boundary of I will get back to you in 48 hours?

Adrianne 20:43

One I think. So I'm gonna say for you, even both of you, when I send you a message and it tells me your notifications are on, I don't even expect you to respond to me that day. And when you do respond, I probably don't remember why I text you in the first place after it's after I've sent it. But anytime I see people's notifications now that are that say it's how do you say that? Because it'll tell you who's like if you turn your notifications, it tells me who's notification. What's a notification? Like where it's it's on do not disturb or something. So if I go to the city, Oh, I don't even know how to do that.

Leanna 21:12

I don't ever turn mine on, but you started recently and I was like, it said delivered quietly. And I was like, what? What is this?

Kerri Ann 21:18

So she's done that, and then I push deliver loudly.

Adrianne 21:22

Loudly, loudly. I I use do not disturb a lot now. I've noticed. I think we should have gotten some kind of announcement before. We don't pay attention to those rules with her. But I also think on the 48-hour thing, one there's nothing wrong with us on a Friday at five o'clock that a auto response goes out that says, unless it's an emergency, I'll get back to you on Monday. Oh and on weekends to say, I'll get back to you within 24 hours, and having a response normal businesses. There is an email. Send that you can do that. Yeah, normal boomerang. And normal businesses. Like I was trying to fix a problem this week. Are you buying this? I have it. I don't use it. Yeah. I I I put everyone on I I love Do Not Disturb lately, just so you all know. I know I'm a little offended by it. That's okay.

Leanna 22:16

There's certain people I will answer all the time.

Kerri Ann 22:19

Right.

Leanna 22:19

This morning I actually I sent a message at like someone sent a message, so I responded back, and then I realized it was 6 45. And I was like, oh, I'm so sorry when they responded back. If I send you a message, I don't I usually remember to do the send later.

Adrianne 22:33

Yeah, the send later. Yeah. But I what this weekend I had an issue and I was trying to fix it, and then they said, Hey, this isn't normal business hours, and it was AI. Someone will get back to you on Monday. And I was like, okay, thank you. Like that's I, that is respectable. It was a Saturday, and not everyone works on a Saturday. So I'm just changing my mindset. Like, people know if you're available or if you allow do you see every day. You blaze that trail because I'm not quite ready. And you know what gets even more wild? Is a lot of times now I hit airplane mode so that no one can even override do not disturb.

Kerri Ann 23:07

What if something's wrong with us? What if we need you and something's wrong with us? I'm not okay with airplane mode. I know. I'll handle the do not disturb because then you can ignore the.

Leanna 23:20

I feel like this is not I'm having some panic, some feelings that are not healthy. And it's all getting recorded.

Adrianne 23:30

I'm just trying to give myself a break. No, just a break from my phone.

Kerri Ann 23:35

Hey, I've been much shorter text messages. Can you know that I do appreciate that? I appreciate that. So don't we turn it in?

Leanna 23:45

Can we wrap this up because I'm done with this conversation? I need to.

Kerri Ann 23:49

I feel like somebody at this group has got in the middle and is doing very healthy things. Yes. That is impacting us.

Adrianne 23:56

In a negative way. I'm gonna train, we're gonna have a training lesson on how we create those that boundary. We're gonna have healthy hustle by the end of the year.

Kerri Ann 24:06

Well, that's fine, but the training thing means you inform us before you do it. And you are informing us. The train is when you see that notice. The train has passed. We just found out about it.

Leanna 24:16

Oh, we're at the station, just waiting.

Adrianne 24:19

We're like, hi, she's coming. No, she's not. She's on. Oh, I love it. Well, tell us how you are doing your healthy hustle, and we'll see you next time. I'm crying in the corner. Bye.

Leanna 24:35

Oh, that was awesome.

Kerri Ann 24:36

Do not put us on air mode.

Leanna 24:39

Look, you guys don't follow, you guys don't follow any of the rules that anybody else has.

Voice Over 24:43

I have boundaries with everybody else, but not with I don't even know how to put any of that stuff

Wrap Up And Stay Slightly Salty

Voice Over 24:50

on. And that's a wrap on today's episode of the Group Chat Goes Live, Slightly Salty Edition. If you laughed, cringed, nodded along, or mentally texted your bestie, good. That means we did our job. Make sure you follow, subscribe, and slide into our DMs with your own slightly salty stories. You know we love the chaos. Until next time, keep your group chat spicy and the real world slightly saltier.